Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
