If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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