At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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