U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
