Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
