Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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