Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
