sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
