That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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