I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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