the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
