He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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