hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
