am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
