You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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