yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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