Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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