It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize