On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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