You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
