Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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