How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
