Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize