i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I enjoy the company of your penis
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