I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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