there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
