and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
