I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
