So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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