I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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