Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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