Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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