He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
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