possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
