There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
