You just made me feel so damn special
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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