the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
