i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
