just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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