OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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