Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
