Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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