Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
