I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
