All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
