Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize