8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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