I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize