You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
