Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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