I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
