The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
