imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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