It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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