so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
