My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My vagina is officially offended.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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