It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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