You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
