Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
