I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
