I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
