Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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