YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
