I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
