So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
