hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
