you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
