So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
