my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
